i found this article in www.blippitt.com and it's hillarious~LOL :-)
check it out y'all~hee
GUY~
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- Movie nudity is virtually always female.
- You know stuff about tanks.
- A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- Monday Night Football.
- You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
- Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
- You can open all your own jars.
- Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
- Dry cleaners and barbers don't rob you blind.
- When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
- Your butt is never a factor in job interviews.
- All your orgasms are real.
- A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.
- Guys in hockey masks don't attack you (unless you smash 'em into the boards).
- You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
- You understand why "Stripes" is funny.
- You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
- Your last name stays put.
- You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
- When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
- You can kill your own food.
- The garage is all yours.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment".
- Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
- You never have to clean a toilet.
- You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
- Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
- Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
- The National College Cheerleading Championship.
- You don't have to shave below your neck.
- None of your co-workers has the power to make you cry.
- You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
- If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.
- You can write your name in the snow.
- You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
- Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- You can be president...in this lifetime.
- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
- Flowers fix everything.
- You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
- You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
- You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
- Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
- You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
- You can say anything ("Wow, do my balls hurt!") and not worry about what people will think.
- Foreplay is optional.
- Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
- Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
- You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
- You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by.
- You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You don't give a rat's ass if anyone notices your new haircut.
- You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."
- The world is your urinal.
- You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you.
- You get to jump up and slap stuff.
- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
- One mood, all the time
- You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
- You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
- You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
- You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing.
- Same work...more pay!
- Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
- You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
- Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.
- You don't care if someone's talking about you behind you back.
- With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
- You don't mooch off others' desserts.
- If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
- The remote control is yours and yours alone.
- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
- ESPN's SportsCenter.
- You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
- Bachelor parties whomp butt over bridal showers.
- You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
- You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
- You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
- If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed.
- Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
- You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw it."
- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.
- Princess Diana's death was just another obituary.
- The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
- You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
- You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
- If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.
- New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet.
- Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
- You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
- Not liking a person doesn't preclude having great sex with them.
- Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"
- Baywatch
- There's always a game on somewhere.
WOMAN~
1. We can get laid anytime we want.
2. We never have to buy our own drinks at the bar.
3. We pee sitting down so it's easier to pass out on the toilet when you're drunk.
4. We get out of speeding tickets by crying.
5. We get out of speeding tickets by showing a little cleavage or leg.
6. We can sleep our way to the top of the class.
7. We get to shop at
Victoria's Secret.
8. We can marry rich and then not have to work.
9. We never have to pay when we go out on dates.
10. Men take us on all expense paid trips - all we have todo is sleep with them.
11. Men light our cigarettes for us.
12. Men hold the door open for us.
13. We pout better. (those puppy dog eyes always work!)
14. We're cuter.
15. We lie better.
16. We're better manipulators.
17. We always end up sleeping in the bed when we fight with our other halves - you guys get the couch.
18. We always have food in the fridge.
19. We don't worry about losing our hair.
20. We always get to choose the movie.
21. We don't have to mow the lawn.
22. We don't have to take out the garbage.
23. We don't have to paint the house or walls.
24. PMS - yet another excuse to bitch at men.
25. Cosmopolitan.
26. We can con our way out of anything - not just dig ourselves deeper into a hole.
27. Men unlock our side of the car first - a real bonuswhen its cold.
28. PMS is a legal defense for murder.
29. Men are like tiles, lay 'em right the first time you can walk all over em forever.
30. We can masturbate more in a day than men.
31. 2 words - multi orgasmic!
32. We don't have to constantly adjust our genitals.
33. Sweat is sexy on us.
34. We never run out of excuses.
35. You guys may get to think about sex 200 times a day, but we could be having it that often.
36. Doggie style - that way we get to watch the game, too. (Ok that's nasty)
37. We get expensive jewelry as gifts that we NEVER have to give back.
38. We get candy, flowers and jewelry all the time because men screw up so often.
39. We can give "the look" that will make any man want tocower in the corner.
40. Women are cleaner.
41. Women have more than one erogenous zone. (in case you guys didn't know)
42. We're better arguers.
43. We don't always have to think with our genitals.
44. Massage!!!!
45. We're better parents.
46. We never have to sit home alone on a weekend night.
47. There's never a shortage of ready, willing, and able men.
48. We're flexible.
49. When women get upset, we don't destroy property or hurt people - we just take it out on the world in general because we can.
50. Menopause - thank heaven we're not capable of having children after we're 50.
51. Menstruation - just another excuse to use so we can say"no" to sex.
52. Men in uniform.
53. We look great in there clothes. They look crazy in ours.
54. We can just roll over and go to sleep after we masturbate because there's no messy cleanup.
55. It generally takes us less to get drunk.
56. We have a higher tolerance to pain.
57. We often get to cut in line.
58. Most women actually look good in short shorts - men DON'T.
59. Better tips.
60. Women who don't wear underwear are considered sexy andwild, when men do it, it's rather disgusting.
61. We have mastered civilized eating - we don't embarrass our friends or make loud bodily noises in public.
62. Women can go a day without showering or shaving and not look or smell disgusting - thank heaven for long pants and perfume!
63. We can connive men into doing our homework, writing our papers or carrying our books anytime we want.
64. We don't have excessive amounts of body hair. (Most of us)
65. We don't spend 45 minutes on the toilet.
66. Men will pay us for sex.
67. Smoking the seeds in marijuana doesn't make us sterile.
68. We can throw a punch at a man and not get hit in return.
69. Men may fantasize about having sex with more than one woman at a time, but we can have sex with an entire football team at once if we want.
70. Men walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road so that if a car hits us, he gets hurt not us.
71. Women sweat less.
72. Women smell better.
73. When women make their boyfriends mad, we don't have to waste money on flowers or cards - a blow job and sex fixes all.
74. Men are more often serial killers, thieves, rapists and cheats.
75. Women don't get the humor in the three stooges.
76. Women have three accessible holes.
77. We don't get embarrassed when buying tampons.
78. We're better gossips.
79. We have better fashion sense.
80. We're better shoppers.
81. We don't have to make fools out of ourselves to impress a man.
82. Our friends don't pick on us if we aren't sleeping with anyone.
83. Men don't know what our 'girl talk' is all about (and I'm not gonna tell you)
84. We're all sitting on a gold mine - we know it and use it to our extreme advantage.
85. We don't have to drive when on a date.
86. An ugly woman can use makeup and get a new hairdo to become presentable - ugly men are just screwed.
87. Women can use the old "that mark on my neck is from a curling iron burn" line.
88. Women know how fake it.
89. Women look better naked.
90. We know that rhythm doesn't only pertain to dancing.
91. When women are short, we're petite. When men are short, they're just short.
92. Women do less time for violent crimes.
93. Women don't have to worry about not being able to getit up.
94. An oblong vegetable is all we need for a good time anynight.
95. Women's conversations generally consist of more than just "uh huh, yep ok then bye"
96. Women don't need an excuse to be in a bad mood.
97. Women never have to see combat.
98. The remote control is not an extension of ourselves.
99. Women are sexier.
100. We can get laid ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, ANY WAY we want it!
